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After reading several beautiful stories, I decided I needed to do this to possibly help me thru my grieving period. I still cry so easily and try to be strong--but being an only child,and losing my dad 5 years ago and now my mom--Nov.2,2005 I feel I truly lost my Mom,sister and best friend all at once. She was 86 and I was blessed to have her this long(her father died of PC when he was 63(my age)--which gives me more reason to be fearful of what I may have ahead of me. My mom had her first pain(upper abdomen into her back)Aug 5,2005-my dads birthday. I told her as she aproached her final days that dad was letting her know that he wanted her with him in heaven-as she had never gotten over his death of congestive heart failure. She was diagnosed with 6 egg sized cysts in Sept,and after a few procedures (injecting alcohol into the cysts) they basically told me that even tho they had not found any malignancy--her markers were very high and definetly pointed to cancer.On the 8th of Oct. she was put into the hospital-with her first signs of Jaundice--when I spoke to the oncologist they said that any treatment would only give us satisfaction--but her quality of life would deteriorate quickly as it did. They did put a stint in to drain the bile,and it did ease the itching and her color got better. They told me I needed full hospice care as she was catheterized and could no longer get out of bed-even with my help. Her pain had gotten so bad that she had gone from morphine every 4 hrs to every 2 hrs--then to Oxycontin. She would have good days and bad days--but the nurses and especially the aides did everything in their power to keep her comfortable both with pain meds-any food that might sound good(but rarely did she take more than a few bites or drinks)They gave her back rubs--that felt so good no matter what time of the day or nite--mine didnt help as much tho I did try. My daughters and grandchildren came to see her as much as possible and could come any time day or nite. One of the hospice units is in our hospital in the western side of Cincinnati,Ohio and it was perfect for us and I felt comfortable leaving her in their care--which eased a little time for me to be with my husband at night. He has diabetis as well as an inoperable brain aneurism in his brain stem--so I need to be with him as much as possible also.(He is only 64 but wears a diabetis pump and does have lows occasionally) By Nov.1,mom lost consiousness and Nov.2 she was gone. My son who is in the military called her daily from Virginia and promised he would be home Nov.12 for he and his sons birthday.He is training to go to Afganistan with a seal team and couldnt come home till then. She understood, but told him she didnt think she would make it that long and she was right. In less than three months she was gone and has left such a void in our family. My youngest grandaughter(11) is getting counseling at school as she cries so much for her. I know time will heal and we try to talk about the good memories--but getting her house ready to sell has been so hard, as she kept everything.She had not even done anything with dads clothes and it was the only house they had ever owned. My dads business was photography--so I have boxes and albums of pictures to go thru. My husband has been a big help--but unfortunely the girls are busy with their families and only come occasionally to take a few things home. I think I will stop now as I am truly not complaining. I would do anything to have her back,,but am so thankful to have had her as long as I did. If I do have this gene in my body-- i hope to live as long as mom did grandfather who suffered a year and died at 63,many years ago. It doesnt seem that there is much more known about this dreaded disease,than there was in the '50,s when he passed. Thank you for listening to my story. She was a beautiful lady,that loved her 3 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren.

Posted 01/05/2006 06:44 am by Sheri
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