THE JOHNS HOPKINS MEDICAL INSTITUTIONS
Pancreas Cancer Web
PAUL LESTER
I am a 47 year old male. I live in Vancouver, Washington. I was diagnosed on
March 2, 1999. The diagnosis was made after I became jaundiced. My wife
Lori and I were out looking at a historic mansion on Feb 27 as a possible
wedding site when she looked at me and said "Look at me. (pause) I don't
want to scare you, but your eyes are yellow". I looked in the mirror
and my eyes looked like Sunkist lemons. We went to the urgent care and they
thought I might have hepatitis and drew blood for a liver function test. The
following Monday she was talking with a surgeon (she is an OR nurse) who
suggested that I should have an ultrasound. Without further discussion, he
scheduled it. During the ultrasound, the tech kept coming back to the center
of my abdomen. She told me, after I insisted she tell me why, that there was
a mass there. She called in a radiologist who looked some more and then
immediately scheduled me for a CT. Following the CT they set up an
appointment with the surgeon weho had scheduled my ultrasound. I figured
this made sense - better have an office visit for the insurance company. I
did not expect what came next. Following a brief exam, the surgeon broke the
news to me that there was, indeed, a mass on the head of my pancreas. I
asked if it was a cyst and he said no. I asked if it was cancer and he said
yes. I asked if there was a possibility that it was benign and he said no -
these are always malignant. He told me that he would give my wife and I a
moment ot comprhend what I had just been told. I lost it. What about my
kids, what about my beautiful fiance - the woman I had looked for all my
life. Just when I thought I had the world by the tail I find out that I -
me, Mr. "I'm in control" - had cancer.What followed was rapid
fire. I needed to have an ERCP to open the bile duct to get me healthy
enough to have a Whipple. This was done on March 4th. The diagnosing
surgeon volunteered that he could do the Whipple, but if I wanted a referral,
he would give it. He was honest enough to tell me that he could do it, but
that he did not do a lot of them. I sought out the guru of Whipples which
lead me to this BBS. I contacted Dr. Cammeron's office and he gave me the
name of a surgeon at the University of Washington - Carlos Pelligrini. Lori
callled and we instantly got an appointment. We went to Seattle and met with
Dr. Pellegrini and his staff. He told me that IF I was operable, he would do
the procedure. He told me he would do it only if he could extend my life by
years, not months, because of the massive invasion to the body. After looking
at my CT, he agreed to do the procedure and I had it done on March 15 at the
U of W. The procedure took 10 hours. I was in ICU overnight and released to
the floor. I spent a total of 12 days in the hospital and was released with
my G-tube, J-tube and a couple other drains. Six weeks post-op, I started a
6 week regime of 24 hour constant infusion of 5-FU in conjunction with
radiation therapy. At the end of the six weeks, I underwent 2 more weeks for
a "boost" radiation treatment and was done. Now it was on to
living.When Dr. pellegrini came to se me one day while I was in the hospital,
I asked him what my prognosis was. I will never forget what he siad.
"If you are asking me 'am I going to die' the answer is yes - we are all
going to die. But I can't tell you that this is going to be the cause of
your death. You could hit by a semi on the way home and die in car crash.
So, don't go home to die - go home to live. Put this behind, do your
followup therapies and get on with life." Those words have been an
inspiration to me.Okay - now for words of wisdom. What helped me recover as
rapidly as I did - quite frankly, the people at the hospital were amazed at
my rapid recovery - was my wife's belief that I was going to be fine. She
made my hospital room a peaceful environment. Along with the cards and
flowers from well wishers, she added her own - the first roses I had ever
received. She had brought my own robe and slippers. She bought our CD
walkman and the portable speaker (Radio Shack, by the way). She brough some
of my favorite instrumental music and bought a CD at the hospital. We left
the room lights off and the curtains open to let the sun in. The smeel of
the flowers and the soft music playing created an atmosphere of healing.
Nurses would always comment on how my room was a different world that that
which was outside my door. We talked of the future in terms of what we would
do - not what we would do if I died - but what WE would do for the long life
we are going to have. She made me walk - a couple of times a day. She let
me whine and ***** and complain and then made me walk some more. She never
left my side. She did go out on ocassion when I told her I was going to nap.
I made her leave to get food other than the hospital food - especially since
I couldn't eat. We watched soap operas. And, finally I was out.Since then,
she lets me have my "cancer days" when I feel sorry for myself.
But, we do the best to put this behind us. Iam now 1 year out and my last
CT was clear. Maybe the next one won't be, but for now I am healthy and
intend to remain so. I eat what I want, still enjoy drinking wine (like the
Godfather said to Michael "I'm drinking more wine than I used
to...")and have really gotten into pasta dishes - and that shows in the
fact that I am getting a little fatter than I would like. Oh, well, c'est la
vie. She knows I like good food and love to cook. She says - so what;
enjoy. I have gone back to work and ended up changing jobs. No more high
stress management BS for me -it ain't worth it. Now, I am just a salesman
again responsible only for myself. I enjoy every sunrise and every sunset.
I garden because I figure that Mother Nature will keep me around to tend to
the growing things. I sometimes use the excuse that "I might not be
here for then next 4th of July or Christmas" as a justification to spoil
my kids a little more than maybe I should. I don't live for the future, I
live for the moment but I plan to have many, many more moments. I don't like
to talk about my health to people outside of those who matter. And then it
is only that I'm doing fine.I have looked for the reason this happened. I
think I have figured it out. This was a wake up call in life for me to
change - get rid of strees, enjoy life and stop to smell the roses. It
happened to me so that others around me could witness the event and question
their own lives. I know that it has had a profound effect on at least three
of my friends. They finally stopped saying "someday I'll..." and
made some positive changes in their lives. I also know that my good health
has effected the people my wife works with in the OR. After a while, doctors
and nurses can become cynical. This has brought a new perspective to them.
And lastly, I know that my encounter with the senior rsident at the U of W
made her a better doctor. When we met, she was very proficient and already
on her way to be a great doctor. What she learned from me is that it is okay
to be human with a patient. I joked with her one day and said
"Christine, stop being so serious - none of us are going to get out of
alive" By the end of my hospital stay, she was a different person. I
supose that wearing the clown nose and shoes that a friend sent me may have
had something to do with it....If you have read this to this point, thanks.
Thanks for caring enough to do so. If you are a the person with this
disease, hang in there and don't ever give up what no one can take from you -
HOPE. If you are going through this with a loved one, remember that this is
not necessarily a death sentence, so don't act like it is. No one can say
for sure because, let's face it, the odds aren't the greatest. But, they get
better every day. All that has happened is that you are now more fully aware
of our mortal nature. Don't wait for the somedays because they might not
come. Heal relationships in your lives. Tell people you love them. Forgive
people for their mistakes. And never give up - don't give this beast anymore
power than it already has. Be tough, be strong, be patient, be kind and
NEVER gie up. God bless.
Posted 04/09/2000 05:43 pm by Paul Lester
E-mail Address: pdleyes@e-z.net
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