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Jennifer was posted 04/06/2008 02:57 pm by mrs
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I am sorry your father is taking out his anger on you. The cancer is to blame and he can't blame your Mom for getting it. If he could see the cancer, he would be yelling at it and not you, but you are the closest person he can yell at for now. This is a normal reaction because he is afraid.

Do your parents live in an area where oncologists are limited? I know we only had two or three in this area when my father was alive. We did drive 170 miles away to see his surgeon and second oncologist at a major teaching hospital. It was well worth the trip and both doctors did email me back when I had questions. Treatment was done locally, but then that oncologist never treated anyone past six months and he would follow the protocol given by the second oncologist.

Jennifer, are you near your parents? Concerned daughter is not, but it does sound like she is trying to help out with the research information and passing it along. As far as asking questions, let both parents know that if they explain, they don't understand something to their doctor, hopefully he will answer. They can ask if he has someone else who will help explain if he is too busy. If the doctor refuses either request, then seriously, the doctor doesn't care and they should seek out another doctor.

Try to explain to your father, the questions you have for the doctor are to help make things better and more comfortable for your Mom. She doesn't need to suffer and by asking some things in advance can help prepare to know what are signs of possible problems beginning to arise.

Also, call PanCAN toll free at 1-877-272-6226 M-F from 9 - 5 PST. Visit their web page at: www.pancan.org for more information. PanCAN's information will help bile duct and gallbladder patients. Also, try not to stress out so much and find ways to help lower the stress. Take time out for yourself. You don't need to compromise your health and not be able to help when they do need you. I know that is harder to do than said. I've been there and listening to music helped me. My father also liked the music and it would calm him on those long rides to his specialists far away. Take care........Mary

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