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Pancreas Cancer

Mom, Hospice and Me was posted 07/30/1999 11:35 pm by Mary C.
E-mail Address: Dearmama12@aolcom

Message Text
Hi all, just wanted to keep an update on my Mom. She is in hospice inpatent. I went the other nite and could only stay for 1/2 hour, she was in a deep sleep. I feel there is something wrong with me, I cant stay in her room for a long period of time (I was by myself), I get so frightened and scared and weird seiing her so sick, I was extremelely close to her and I cant stand to see her like this. I get real nervous and upset and try to hide it from her but cant. I told my brother, I just cant stay there long like he and my sisterinlaw do, it breaks my heart so much and i am to nervous to be of help to her, I have never, as I am sure none of us have, dealt with anything like this and I cant bear it with my Mom. My sisterinlaw is always there and I feel terribly guity, but also it is far from me and I have 4 kids and a husband who doesnt get home till late, and I also work during the day part time, which I have cut down on because of allthis. But I just cant stay there and look at her like this. Any similar experiences, the other day when I went, she had a diaper on, and I almost flipped out, I couldnt believe this was my Mom, I just want this to be over with, instead of my guilt for not being able to be there all the time, and looking and thinking about her in this condidition. I really cant stand it anymore, and no that the end is near, and just dont want her to go on anymore, I know I will be in terrible terrible grief, and have to get my kids thru it, but I think it will be better than watching her waste away like this! She doesnt even have her same voice, and cant even hold a converstaion, the woman I talked to everyday of my life, sometimes for hours on end, I am aready lost without her, I wonder if shes hanging on for me, because she feels my fear, but I cannot help it, I am so scared and petrofied of life without her, but moreso seeing her like this. thanks for listenind, will keep updating.

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*DISCLAIMER: This page is an unmoderated forum, and the opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the viewpoint of The Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions. Patients are advised to consult their personal physicians before making any medical decisions.
FULL DISCLAIMER


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