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Discussion Boardlife is so short... was posted 02/21/2006 01:34 am by TANJA
It's 10:30 at night and it feels like i haven't slept in a weak. I have never
felt this sad in my life. My dads condition continues to worsen. Last night
was the night I thought we were going to lose him. He got very cold and
stayed in a fetal postition for hours. Well he made it through the night
however, I know in my heart that the end is near. I am so afraid of how I am
going to deal with this. I don't think I will ever get over the death of my
hero. He is in bed right now I don't know if he is pain or not, He is not
responding to anything, his breathing is very irregular and so is his
heartbeat. He had an episode today, hallucinating and scared, fever of 104.5
shaking in fetal position again, he was seeing cats, and kept saying 'no
cats, no cats, take away the cats. He had pure fear in his eyes.
My Dad is a good man and a firm believer in God. Ever since that episode this
afternooon, he went to sleep and continues to sleep. He has responded to us
since. He weighs 115lbs and is almost 6 feet tall. I know and i know he knows
he is going to heaven, but in my heart I feel like he is fighting so hard,
and not going to the light. I'm worried that he could be in a state of coma.
I'm not sure. I know what is ahead but what other signs can i expect. The
palliative care nurse came today and felt that the time is approaching. I
have been so strong through this entire battle and I have can't do it
anymore, I cannot bear to see my dad in this condition. Is he pain free while
in this unresponsive state? His eyes are halfway open, glossy looking kinda
looking at nothng. I'm worried that he is still suffering alot of pain but
unable to express it. Help, i'm confused, and scared. All of a sudden I am
terrified. i am so sad for him. I'm going to bed now, I will sleep on the
floor in my mom and dads bedroom, close to my dad.
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