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I'm now 3 years post whipple (and continue to be disease free) and still range between both those extremes, but not in the same way as I did during the first year.
It may help to talk to a counselor about how to best deal with your feelings. For me, I had a family friend to talk to who has survived both breast and ovarian cancers. She understood exactly where I was. The farther away from the surgery I am, the easier things are to deal with and the less fearful I am that the disease will return at any moment. It's hard to talk to some folks who have not had cancer or a life threating illness since they don't really understand what it is like.
You may want to consider keeping a journal for awhile just to get off your
chest those feelings. Time does change your perspective so give yourself the
permission of time to help your heal. This disease affects the sense of self
as much as it affects our body.
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