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I do not really know the treatment my mother received. I was fifteen at the time and my parents thought it best to keep me away at school. What I can tell you is that I was there when she was given the shattering news over the phone...its odd in a way...I can still hear the phone hitting the desk and the empty dial tone. Nothing had to be said at that time...she was crying and I knew this time what they had said. Cancer, it had taken a month of tests, but they had it figured now. I had always seen my mother as this rock, holding me and my father and my troubled sister from falling down the rapids. I remember her chemo treatments...she did not do good with those. Then early June she was sent back for more tests...this time she didn't come back. My father returned for my sister and I. We knew it wasn't good... I remember she was sharing a room but had a view out to the dusty Minneapolis street. She apologized for leaving me so soon. I couldn't think of a thing to wasn't her fault. My mother chose to come home to die. Hospice came and visited and let us know what the final steps were going to be. I couldn't imagine that soon I might not have a mother. My sister was already going off wildly. My father hid it as best he could...but my wise mother, though she couldn't get around, knew exactly what was going on. Its been five years now next month, and she predicted every step that wild child would take. I think the best thing was the hospice in the whole thing...that and getting to say good-bye to my mother. There was a million questions and things I wanted to say to her...there still is. It was like trying to fit the next twenty or thirty years all in that one month. She was the most loving and compassionate person I have known. I never knew how lucky I was to have the family I had until she took that last breath. And that was horrible. So I was left three days before my sixteenth birthday with out my mother. But I know she's in me...she's there when I demonstrate the wonderful way she showed me how to live. And I will get to pass that on to my children. She was a blessing and I wish I could have had longer. My mother loved life, so thats what I'm trying to do now.

Posted 06/20/2004 09:15 pm by jacksoncue
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