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Pancreas Cancer

My FIL was posted 09/29/2001 10:17 pm by Sherry
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My in-laws have a block party every year and this year was no exception, except pops. It's a little later than normal because my MIL was supposed to be in NYC. Thank god she cancelled her trip.

Anyway I haven't seen pops in about a month and a half. My husband goes down weekly but with 3 kids, school, football, cheerleading, girl scouts, etc I have not been able to go down.

We walked in and it felt like an oven. My husband checked the heat it was on 78 and pops was wrapped in a blanket. He is soooooo skinny. My kids and g-ma attended the block party and my husband and I made our apperances.

I cannot stand the fact that we are going to loose this wonderful man soon. I cannot bear it for myself, my husband or my kids. I write this now with tears running down my face. I cannot stand it! He is the most wonderful man in the world and has brought so much happiness and love to us.

Tonight he talked to my husband and I about WWII, he was 16 when pearl harbor was bombed (my oldest is 16) and how he was sent to Italy when he was drafted and how he meet a wonderful woman he almost married at the tender age of 18. He kept the conversation going which he usually dosn't do, he usually fades in and out. I was looking at him while he talked and his wedding ring barley fits on his finger, they are so bony. He has a gray tint to him, his hair is thinning from chemo. I CAN'T STAND IT. He would sit up everytime the kids came in because he dosn't want them to see him like this. He wants them to remember him fixing their bike or throwing the ball with him, or sitting on his lap christmas morning. I CAN'T STAND IT.

We taped my son's football game for him to watch because he is too weak to go to the games. My son had a great game, I was watching pops as he watched my son and tears rolled down his face. He was so proud. I CAN't STAND IT.

Pops told me tonight that this week would be his last chemo treatment he was not doing it again. And he said he wouldn't have the whipple if he was a canidate after the CT scan in 2 weeks. I CAN'T STAND IT. I am with him 100% in whatever he decides. But after the last CT they said if the tumor shrunk just a little bit more he could have the whipple. He is so tired and weak he dosn't want anymore, he just wants to LIVE and live happily.

When we were leaving he hugged my husband so hard. My husband let go but pops wouldn't and he said 'I love you, son'. He very rarely says that. I CAN'T STAND IT.

I'm so sorry for rambling on and on, I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry



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