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Pancreas Cancer

Angela was posted 12/31/1997 08:04 am by Rosemary
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Hi,Angela. I was pleased to read that you shared a wonderful Christmas with your Dad. I'm sorry to learn of your sister's problems and their effect on your family. Quickly...I am the youngest, three older brothers, no sisters. I'm also the only child who lives near my parents. Five months before Dad was diagnosed my oldest brother said some awful things to him, and they hadn't spoken. I knew he had to know of Dad's dx,so I phoned and came up with a story as to why he suddenly needed to call Dad and apologize. The reconciliation was not immediate...but it did come about. However, as soon as "peace" was made, he returned to his home (2 hours away) and nary a word was heard. I made countless excuses trying to make him into a considerate child, concerned with his Father's well-being: it never helped. I let him get away with "call me to let me know what's going on" instead of letting him initiate the phone call. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel you need to sit down with your sister and tell her this is no game. (My brother is 41--I have no idea how old your sister is) Call it as you see it! Let her know that her selfish behavior is accomplishing no good. She must be given the chance to make the decision to change on her own, but you must give that need some sense of urgency. The fact that your Dad is still fighting this monster 13 months after diagnosis is wonderful. Sadly, I feel that for some people, such as my brother, that fact lulls them into a belief that tomorrow always comes. I've tried to make him understand that when the day comes that he awakens and any one of his family members doesn't he will be filled with regret. Perhaps I've finally made sense--he is seeing a counselor finally. There is, of course, only so much you can do, Angela, but I do think that the behavior causing your Dad so much grief needs to be stopped. I take some comfort in knowing that while two of my siblings (the other one's a whole 'nother story!) have caused my Dad so much heartache, I, along with my youngest brother, have tried my darnedest to make up for it. I'm sure your Father sees your concern and senses your involvement in helping bring an end to the heartache. Good luck in helping your sister and have a wonderful New Year. Love & Friendship, Rosemary

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