Pancreas Cancer Web

Bereavement Discussion

Been a long time was posted 08/10/2019 11:23 am by Toni
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It's been a long time since I have posted here. Gigi has been gone 18 years in October. My son is grown into a kind young man who wants to become a biology/chemistry teacher. Life has changed so much since Gigi died from PC. I'm no longer the fighter I used to be. I just can't go the distance, so to speak anymore. I've become a 'Let it Be' person. I do miss the naivete that I could help someone beat PC, Time has jaded me. I miss my sister and she would probably kick my a$$ for becoming complacent and more accepting, instead of kicking and screaming for any kind of justice, medical or otherwise. I was the type of person who would give the doctor's hell if they even hinted that they couldn't help.

I miss my sister, she fought long and hard. I was fighting right beside her. She's a memory now. I'm older than she. Am I her older sister, or still her younger sister? That's a paradox I can't figure out. I still call her my older sister. I was 36 and she was 45 when she died. I'm now 54, and she's still 45. Seems like a long time ago, yet it seems like yesterday. God, I miss her wisdom and her wit. Sometimes I scream at God demanding a reason, He never answers. I had so much faith and hope. I can't believe I've become the faithless.

Seeing my mom and sister die from the atrocity and arrogance of PC has hurt me.

I wish you all the best.

God bless,

Toni - formerly ToniNGigi

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