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Pancreas Cancer

Question for Caregivers was posted 11/30/2000 11:26 pm by Jen
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I have a question for you all that are the caregivers. If you could have something from people what would you ask for? Let me explain--I'm worried about Dad--who is the caregiver for Mom-takes her to her appointments, deals with moods, anger, despair, etc., and I'm starting to get worried. What can I do to help me? You all know I'm not close to them (distance), but I want to do what I can to help ease some of his frustration. Me and my Mom have always been emotional, but my Dad-who is too, but I've never seen it. I've only see him cry once, and today he told me he had to close his door at work so he could have a good cry. I don't want him to be overwhelmed, well, I all ready know that happened, but I want him to know he can call on me for whatever. I know I've said it before, and I hope no one thinks, "god she's at it again", but I feel, as I'm sure others do, I have had to take on a "take care of Mom and Dad" role, and it's so hard, because I don't think they want to "burden" me because I'm far away and they don't want me to worry. I just want to do things for Dad to let him know I'm here, available, to cry, laugh or whatever, and I've told him that--but I think he's having a hard time taking me up on it. So--after my blubbering, if you're a caregiver, or if you're being take care of by someone, what would you like or what have you done? Thanks so much--and thanks for helping me make it through another day--oh, and on another note--this is venting--I was talking to one of my friends today and when I was talking about Mom, and what could happen, and when I talked about "when she may go, or when she does pass", she said "it can't happen that soon". It amazes me, even when I tell the statistics, they don't get it! They think just because she's going through treatment, she'll be cured, it's so frustrating!! Of course I hope the treatment works, shoot--I'd take a miracle, or anything! But the reality is this is a very serious and hard cancer, and you can't just cut, or treat, and it's gone. Why can't people understand that? Some people think I'm cold when I talk about what I feel about Mom and the thought of her dying, saying I'm not being positive or not having faith, but My God, I have to be realistic. OF COURSE I hope this works, OF COURSE I hope she's around for many years, OF COURSE I hope there one day is a cure that will benefit her, but am I an awful daughter because I talk about the day my Mom may die? Ooops sorry about that, I got angry all over again. I just don't want people to think "Jen doesn't care, she's waiting for it too happen". God I love my Mom with all my heart and can't imagine life without her, and don't know what I'll do when she does go, whether it's natural, from this, or whatever--and I've got so much faith all of a sudden it scares me sometimes--but geez--they just don't get it. I'm so sorry--I got out of hand, but hands hurt from typing so fast and hard! I'll be thinking of all of you as always--and thank you for your wonderful, wonderful support and kindness. Love to you all--Jen

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*DISCLAIMER: This page is an unmoderated forum, and the opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the viewpoint of The Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions. Patients are advised to consult their personal physicians before making any medical decisions.
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