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Pancreas Cancer

to be like your mom was posted 03/31/2010 02:50 pm by Sandra (TX)
E-mail Address: smpettit@swbell.net

Message Text
Dear JM,

So, even though I'm 53 years old, I too still hope I can grow up to be just like your mom. She is indeed one amazing woman.

Last week my thoughtful reply to your message was (errghh!) lost during submission. Exasperated, I took it as a sign it was time for me take a computer break. But, I read it...and wanted to say thanks for sharing what happened and that of course you still belong on this message board.

I hope you'll save your messages and even consider sharing them with your friends/family to read as you have a way of touching hearts. In fact, you might consider setting up a Caring Bridges site for your mom (www.CaringBridge.org). I think it might help her too as it is such an incredible way for people to connect and come together. It also has an amazing affect of pulling others into your same boat, and usually the result is positive on many levels.

I had some thoughts carryover from last week plus some new ones...

Right. None of us knows when it will be our time. (For sure the doctors don't...I haven't met one yet who was issued a crystal ball during medical school.) IF I WERE somehow allowed to pick how to spend my last day on this planet, being outdoors and tending my garden would suit me fine...I'm at least hoping someone will roll me outside so I can get a final glimpse of the sky and hear the sounds of the day.

Ideally we SHOULD focus our attention on living not in the past nor the future, but as wholly in the present as possible. But, we are human; so what to do? It is when our day is filled with pleasure (e.g., sights, smells, activities) and with laughter, love and active living, that we become so busy processing the present that worries and dread about the future is forced to take a back seat. All the things we do to fill our senses, small and big, is constructive toward helping us preside in the present tense. It could be as simple as baking a cake, playing with a dog, trying a new perfume, raking leaves, telling a joke, etc.

So.....when you described your mom as having so much -- husband of 40 years(?), 5 children, gobs of grandchildren and a window on the horizon when she can expect to feel good, my thought was, 'so, I wonder if there's a cruise ship big enough?' It doesn't have to be a cruise of course, but you get my gist. A big family photo here soon would be a treasured gift for all.

There's nothing better than being around normal life (even if it's attending another's funeral service) to make one feel alive (vs. dying). However, grieving is a process, takes time, and can be depressing...not exactly optimal for a person in the midst of their own health battle. Anything to help your mom push quickly past this most recent loss would be constructive.

It's good your mom can talk about how she might like things. In a very non-morbid way, I also give thought to this stuff ever since I was diagnosed. Perhaps it is about wanting control over something, I don't know...but for me it isn't a downer. I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, so I don't share my thoughts aloud and I don't obsess over it, but it makes me think it is healthy for your mom to discuss it and I hope you'll continue to be a receptive audience for her. Just feeling connected (her to you, and vice versa) is the main thing. Unfortunately, it may have to be more on her terms vs. yours for now.

I can see how you'd be crying a lot right now and worried how you and everyone will cope, but it appears you are turning a corner and shifting your focus to enjoying the gift of living each day as it comes. This is good for you and everyone else too. I like the green banana concept.

All for now...keep us updated here.

Cheers and have a great day today,

Sandra (TX)



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